After reading a few comments on Reddit about my latest article on why Asian men need to stop hating on WMAF, it’s apparent that there was some misunderstanding of my characterization of WMAF relationships.
So let’s discuss a few of the counter points.
Debunking the idea that I don’t think WMAF can be problematic.
Yes, there are definitely toxic relationships between White Men / Asian Females.
Relationships where Asian females worship White men and White men fetishize Asian females. I’m aware that exists.
But you also need to be aware that great, normal, healthy relationships exist between White men and Asian women.
Attacking other individual Asian girls who have White boyfriends or happen to like White guys, does not help the cause.
Now I’m not talking about calling attention to the more insidious forms of this behavior. It’s fine to bring attention to the faults of people like Esther Ku or Celeste Ng — women who’ve denigrated other Asian men in order to supplicate to White guys.
I fully support that, but even in those instances I don’t suggest death threats or nasty Instagram comments. Well-thought out blog posts, I have no problem with.
I’m mainly talking about the problematic dudes who get on Twitter and respond with death threats and “fake tough guy” rhetoric. Or who personally slam their female Asian friends who have White boyfriends. Or who make rude comments on a girl’s Instagram account because she has a White boyfriend.
I also believe that not EVERY Asian guy is like this, and that I’m only talking to a small minority of Asian men.
However, this small minority of troublemakers does create a larger ripple effect since they are extremely vocal.
Again, I have to re-iterate that I’m sympathetic to the discussion of this topic on a macro and philosophical level. I’m only addressing the Internet trolls who have made online spaces for WMAF incredibly toxic.
Some of these relationships are genuine relationships, and by attacking them you’re only reinforcing the stereotypes.
Furthermore, Asian men and women get locked in an all-out Twitter war, where both sides lose. In the case of Celeste Ng, she become a vocal advocate AGAINST Asian men due to an Asian male who wrote nasty comments about her relationship with her White husband.
Debunking the idea that Asian men can’t be good with women even if they go through self-improvement.
Dude, what the fuck, man?
This argument is wrong on so many levels.
There are so many examples of Asian males who do extremely well in dating, even in the United States. So logically that means an Asian male can do the same if he puts in the effort to do so.
What evidence do you have that the Asian male cannot “move forward”? Who’s told you this and lied to you about this?
Secondly, Kevin Kreider’s story is multi-layered. For one, if you watched his documentary you’ll have noticed that the issue is not with him being Asian, but that he has extremely high standards. Kevin Kreider has plenty of girls going after him, but he’s holding out for something that may not be realistic.
And lastly, I’m not fucking hating on Asian dudes. I want Asian dudes to succeed just like everyone else. I just know that complaining and trolling online isn’t gonna get you there.
The notion that I’m trying to tell you to be “White” and this idea that you just want to be yourself
First of all, this is exactly the type of response that is not productive.
There are PLENTY of traditional girls out there who don’t like bad boy types.
There’s a strong allure to that archetype for younger women, but most of my female friends actively avoid that type, especially now that they’ve gotten older.
I have friends who’ve actively taken a step forward in their dating lives by taking charge and actually putting forth effort. Dating takes effort no matter who you are.
The issue I was talking about was the issue of the guys who sit at home, do nothing, but then troll on Reddit about how they’re so bad with women because they’re Asian.
But assuming that Confucian values really do put a damper on dating, then you pretty much HAVE to change (I don’t agree with this, I believe there are plenty of girls who agree with Confucian values).
That’s like saying, “I want to have a high paying job, but I want to do it my way, by chilling and watching Netflix all day.”
I agree with the principle of what the guy above was saying.
I believe that Asian women also need to do the same and stop bashing Asian men.
But it also starts with Asian men making peace with WMAF couples (the ones not based on internalized racism and just 2 people who love each other).
Why don’t we all just stop with the negativity, stop bashing each other, and start appreciating our fellow Asian brothers and sisters?
TLDR:
- Complaining doesn’t get Asian men anywhere, except actually in worse standing with women everywhere.
- Yes there ARE issues, but do you really think complaining to a self-hating racist Asian woman is going to make her change her mind?
- Asian men need to instead change the narrative about themselves, instead of keyboard jockeying up a storm.
- As Asian men become more and more influential, the tide will change.
Written by Cindy Young