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It’s 2023, and in an era of increasing political correctness, we’ve seen it all when it comes to interracial relationships. People of color are getting shamed for dating outside of their race.

Furthermore, Asian men are actively shaming other Asian men for dating non-Asian.

It seems like no matter which way you look at it, someone’s got something to say about your relationship and what they think you should be doing.

And of course a disclaimer, this isn’t targeted at every single Asian male. Most Asian men I know are not only empathetic, but very tolerant and accepting of interracial relationships. This article is targeted to a vocal few who have been trolling the interwebs.

But why?

When it comes to WMAF relationships, there’s a lot of commentary, both good and bad. When I first entered the scene a decade ago, a lot of that commentary was centered around the nasty messages Asian women would get about why Asian guys were so inferior (Don’t they have small dicks? Why would you pick him?) or around a niche community of Asian women who refused to acknowledge Asian men. It was a mess on both sides, and it was toxic.

Thankfully I don’t see as much of that these days, but with the increasing amounts of acceptance and thus WMAF relationships, what I am seeing more of is Asian men criticizing WMAF relationships and attempting to shame the Asian women involved in them.

It’s been a mystifying roller coaster to see an evolution from one side of the spectrum to another, and I’ve noticed that the criticism seems to be centered around one of two things:

Number one is bitterness. Asian men who have been unsuccessful in the dating game and who see girls of their race choosing other men, especially other White men.

Number two is betrayal. Men who view dating out as a rejection of Asian-ness.

Number three is White supremacy & self-hatred. Men who view Asian women who date out as a confirmation that Asian women are falling into the White supremacy mindset, and because they hate their own race.

The first two, unfortunately, will only serve to divide the Asian diaspora. While I do think there is merit to calling out the white supremacy and self-hatred aspect (even though it can be tricky to do).

Attacking someone else’s relationship because it represents something you don’t have is nothing more than an old-fashioned case of sour grapes. Maybe you’re jealous because you’ve got trouble with women. Maybe you’re jealous because you just like Asian women and it upsets you to see them with someone else. Whatever the case may be, attacking another Asian woman because she’s dating a White man isn’t going to help improve your relationship game. You need to examine why you’re having trouble with relationships, and it isn’t because some other guy is having success on “your” turf.

So you realize you’re one of the Asian guys that have these feelings. Now what?

Now assuming you aren’t just a racist piece of shit, there’s probably reasons why you’re feeling this way.

Let’s tackle the betrayal aspect first.

First of all, there are PLENTY of Asian women to go around. As a man you inherently have an advantage because as you age your dating pool actually becomes larger instead of smaller — assuming you are doing things that are raising your value as a man (like having a good career and becoming smarter & more assured of yourself over time).

And considering that males and females are a  pretty even 50/50 split in this world, it just means there’s a White girl or a girl of another ethnicity open for you to date.

Unless you’re living in China (where men outnumber women by 40 million+), there are plenty of single women out there, and opening up your horizons to include women of other ethnicities is key to finding the right girl for you.

(Editor’s note – I do hear a lot of Asian men in San Francisco face issues because the city has more men than women. If you’re facing this in your city, you should absolutely move. It’s always better to live a happy life than to make money and suffer.)

Look, I get it. It’s easy to lash out at other people when you feel like they’ve sold out or rejected you, but that’s not what WMAF relationships are. People start dating each other because they like each other, they’re attracted to each other, and they have things in common. About 50 years ago that wasn’t socially acceptable. But it’s 2019 and we’re no longer socially encumbered by those restrictions. If an Asian woman is dating a White man, it’s generally because he likes her and she likes him.

And of course, hapas are extremely attractive, and the more WMAF relationships are out there, the more sexy hapas you can date. I’m the product of a WMAF relationship, and I actually love dating Asian men.

But beyond the betrayal mindset, we have to attack the underlying issue behind why you’re also bitter. For most guys it’s because you can’t get a date. Guys in happy relationships don’t think or complain about WMAF.

To begin down this road, you have to be slightly self-reflective.

You need to admit that Asian girls dating White men isn’t what’s causing your dating problems.

The real problem is you lack mate value.

Ask yourself a few of these quick questions.

1 – Have you had a 3rd party assess how well you dress?

And when I mean “assess,” I mean get an opinion from a professional.  Most guys have never gotten advice from someone who actually knows how to dress, they simply rely on their own opinions. That’s like Donald Trump making decisions for the United States without asking his advisors.

Three quick elements to putting together an outfit – wear clean shoes, a regular (non-graphic) tee, and well-fitted darker color jeans. DO NOT wear baggy jeans.

2 – Do you have a hairstyle that’s trendy?

No, the Asian bowlcut doesn’t count. Go to a barber, not SuperCuts, and ASK them what kind of haircut they would recommend for your facial shape and hair texture.

Pompadours, undercuts, and a simple Google search for “top trendy haircuts for men 2019” are your best friend.

3 – Do you have a lot of friends?

Most guys who can’t get a date also don’t have a lot of friends.

Here’s a tip. Don’t avoid the friend-zone with girls. Use women as a sounding board to help increase your mate value, as women can give you advice on your look and why you’re not getting any girls. Don’t have an ego, ask them straight up what tips they would have for you to get a girlfriend.

4 – Are you even getting out of the house and socializing?

So many of the guys complaining are the same guys who are keyboard jockeys simply staying at home and posting things on Reddit. Stop sitting in front of the keyboard and start hitting up social events in your area.

5 – Are you working out and taking care of your body?

Not only does working out help you release endorphins, it’s been proven that it helps people become more confident. Start slowly by working out and figuring out a diet plan that will work for your lifestyle.

By doing the assessment of the previous 5 things, and ACTING on them, you can increase your mate value to the point where you will definitely be able to get a girl.

White supremacy / Self-hatred

The last thing I’ll tackle on is the guys who criticize the Asian women for dating out because of problematic beliefs on White supremacy. Namely they feel that Asian women are dating out due to being colonized by the White majority / Hollywood and feeling that White people are superior.

There’s actually a lot merit to this argument, but the problem is women who get called out on this way are generally not going to take it very well. 

In my opinion, a lot of the women who fall into this trap, are never going to leave it.

Just imagine if the roles were reversed, and you got called out for something, you’d probably be very defensive as well.

Lastly, if they ARE indoctrinated into the cult of White supremacy, then it’s pretty hard to get someone out of that.

An increase of bashing in the Asian community is only gonna cause more and more Asian women to go the other way.

And once women fall into that self-hatred mindset, it’s up to them to come out of it.

The way to do that is to make it “cool” to be Asian and make it cool to date Asian men – so instead of hating on them, work on improving the Asian male side.

The other thing is when we do bring attention to it, it’s important to mention that Asian women have the freedom to date whoever they want, but they shouldn’t bring down Asian men when they do it, which is a major problem and the cause of the “LU” epidemic.

Telling them that they’re just self-hating White worshippers is going to make them fall deeper into White supremacy as they feel more antagonized by Asian men.

If we want to succeed in continuing to make the world a better place for Asian men to live in, fighting over relationships is not the way to do it. In the spirit of welcoming in 2023, leave those ugly scars behind you.

Written by Cindy Young