Less than 50 years ago, sex before marriage was looked down upon. 15 years ago, sex before the third date was looked down upon.
Today, sex between two virtual strangers is increasingly common. One-night stands are getting more and more accepted by women.
But for a lot of you, the idea of having a one-night stand is a foreign concept. How common is it really? How can you increase your chances of having one night stands?
Check out my tips below and you can drastically increase your chances for a one night stand.
Picture of Luvian Lee
The Situation Must Be Right
One-night stands are highly situational. What I mean by that is girls have different phases in their life. Some girls don’t want anything serious and are open to hook up. Some girls would rather have a stable relationship. And other girls are in between.
Girls who want to hook up are okay with rapid escalation and might even initiate escalation themselves. They are usually much more responsive to sexual conversation. Again, these girls might even initiate some playful sexual conversation themselves. At a bar or club setting, these are the girls who are moving around aimlessly or trying to make eye contact with a bunch of random guys.
Girls who are in between are tougher to decipher. There’s a couple of situational reasons why they’d be down to have a one-night stand. Sometimes they’re super stressed and want a momentary escape. Sometimes they want revenge on a boyfriend who cheated on them. Sometimes they’re lonely and need validation. And sometimes they simply want to quench their sexual needs because “it’s been a while.”
Anyway, what I’m getting at here is that one-night stands can largely be dependent on the girl’s situation. One-night stands often occur because there’s mutual attraction, but no realistic shot at a serious relationship. Take, for instance, this example: a girl told me about a one-night stand experience. She met a minor league baseball player during an afternoon game, and invited him to come to her apartment at night. It was sex and nothing more. The reason was that 1) he was a travelling baseball player, and 2) she was moving to Los Angeles within the next two days. There wasn’t any real chance at a relationship, but clearly both parties were physically attracted to each other.
One last important thing I want to mention is alcohol is generally involved in most one night stand situations. Almost all the girls I talked to about one night stands said alcohol was a factor. Alcohol is a social lubricant, but it’s also a convenient excuse for these girls. One girl kept on reiterating to me that she was “drunk” (in fact she used the word “wasted” although from her story it didn’t sound like she was actually wasted) and used that as reasoning for why she went home with a guy that night.
Amp Up the Sexual Tension
Creating sexual tension is one thing, but it’s got to be the “right” amount of sexual tension. Allow me to explain. Say we meet a girl and there’s clearly mutual attraction. In those cases, sometimes we’re too eager to show her a good time. We turn on the charm – she’s laughing at everything, and she’s clearly having fun.
We start to incorporate touch. After all, touch releases oxytocin, which are feel good hormones that build trust between two individuals. There’s no recoil and she reciprocates, so we continue to escalate even more. Eventually we start making out with her – nonstop. And then when the bar closes, she decides to head out, but with her friends.
“Call me sometime, yeah?”
Why does this happen?
It was absolutely baffling to me at first. Then I started to see a pattern. The one-night stands that I’ve had don’t match the storyline I described above. Then I read an article about how “overproviding good feelings” can actually hurt your chances with the girl. The theory is that if you provide a girl with good feelings in one way, then she won’t seek further good feelings in another way.
For instance, if there’s constant laughter (which releases serotonin), and constant touch (which releases oxytocin), then she’ll be satisfied and won’t seek further good feelings, like sex.
But don’t take my words out of context. You should be funny and you should use touch. All I’m saying is you shouldn’t overdo it. A good rule to follow is “take two steps forward, one step back.” For example, when you first kiss her, you shouldn’t necessarily go into full makeout mode. Instead, you should kiss her gently and take a step back. This helps to build the “right” sexual tension.
Luvian again
Plan Out Your Logistics Ahead of Time
Ah, finally we get to logistics. It’s the most underrated component of a one-night stand, and something that most guys don’t even think about. It’s recommended to understand logistics fairly early on in the interaction.
Finding out where she lives is number one. Hint: don’t be creepy and ask for her exact address. Just get a general idea, so you can determine whether or not you two are better suited to go back to your place or back to her place. If you live 5 minutes away, and she lives 30 minutes away, it’s a no brainer to invite her to your place. Hint #2: make sure you give her an excuse to go home with you. It’s better if it’s related to something you two discussed during the night. For example, if you discussed musical abilities, tell her you’d like to show her your guitar. If she smokes tell her you want to smoke with her at your place. If all else fails just say let’s watch a TV show at my place. She’ll know what’s up but in her mind it lowers her “slut defense” than if you just said “Let’s go have sex at my apartment.”
Finding out who drove is number two. If her friends drove her, then you MUST meet all of her friends and show them you’re not a creep. In fact, you want to do more than that. Actually befriend them, and get on their good side. If she drove, then it’s starts to get tough. If she’s the designated driver, she will be taking her girlfriends home. Better to just meet up with her some other time. If she drove, but doesn’t have to take her girlfriends home, invite her to your place, and offer to drive her. You can tell her that you’d take her back to her car afterwards. However, this only works if you live nearby (within five minutes is best). Alternatively, you two can drive separately, but this can completely eliminate the sexual tension.
Privacy is number three. This one is easy. Find out where you two can go so that you’ll be alone. Privacy is an issue for most girls. If you have a roommate who shares the same room (or if she does) then that spot is off limits. Or if you’re taking her to a hotel room where you’re sharing with a bunch of other guys.
Model in this article is Luvian and Rachel Yamada.
Written by Will Legend