The Top 3 Crappiest Dating Advice You Could Give a Friend

Don’t be that friend who gives crap dating advice. Read below to know what NOT to do.

Dating advice comes in many forms, but the worst tips are always ones people tend to give. They’re bad  because they are vague and have no substance to the advice. It’s like saying: “If you eat better, you’ll lose weight.” Thanks for the advice Captain Obvious.

Better advice tells me what to eat, tells me other methods to losing weight, tells me how to manage my calorie intake, tells me something that I can use. These are some things that I can apply and something of VALUE.

1) Crap Advice: Just be yourself

Imagine I’m your friend and I’ve been crushing hard on that girl from accounting class. You have an awesome girlfriend and I want the same thing. What should you tell me?

Most friends would say, “just be yourself,” but who else would I be besides myself? Yes, I can act like someone else, but it’ll still be me, just with a different costume on. You are yourself 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I’ve been myself since I popped out of my mama’s womb.

A friend who says to “be yourself” has good intentions, but he falls short because there’s no follow up. They don’t  know how to help or don’t want to put in the effort to help.

 The problem with this tid bit is it’s too general. It’s three words that is suppose to be a cure all solution to becoming a master dater. What exactly is “yourself?”

I am the culmination of all my experiences and thoughts from the moment I realized I was alive. My dreams, expectations, assumptions, feelings, judgments, and opinions are all parts of myself. So the problem with “just be yourself” is which part of myself should I be when I’m on a date?

Should I be the anime nerd? Should I be the car enthusiast? Or how about be the professional ballroom dancer? Which part of myself should be present when I first say, “Hi”?

That’s the better piece of advice a friend should be giving me. Even being told which side to keep in check is better than those three words “just be yourself.”

Since you’re the bestest friend ever (and you’ve read all of Cindy Young’s articles about dating) the advice you would give is something like:

• If you’re a foodie, be sure to let her know by telling your great food adventures.
• When you get to the restaurant, show her that gentlemanly side of you by opening the car door or sitting next to her instead of across the dining table.
• If you have a lot of road rage, then that part of you should be kept in check.

The difference between giving empty advice and great advice is being able to identify a friend’s positive traits and which traits need to be managed.

2) Crap Advice: Be Confident

If you’re on a date with a ball-buster, then you probably don’t need confidence. The advice I’m searching for is how to realize my confidence, leverage my confidence, and display my confidence.

As my friend, you want me to get some lovin’ right? Then help me find my “mojo.”

 “Confidence” has many forms, facets, and misunderstandings. How do I know what is appropriate on a date, or even if I have any to show on a date?

Good advice needs to resonate with the receiver. Just telling me another “catch all” solution isn’t going to help me ask the girl from accounting class out on a date. Being insightful, asking questions, making an effort will help me understand my confidence and will add those extra inches to my mojo.

A man derives confidence in fields he’s comfortable with. So figure out where you are comfortable and how you can use that to convey confidence. Amped Asia already wrote this article in case you forgot.

For example, if I’m a jokester, what strengths can I demonstrate to display confidence? If I love to joke around, then you tell me to use that skill on a date. Make her laugh, create inside jokes, keep her smiling throughout the date; using my ability to create humorous situations will show her that I am a jokester yet confident in my own skin.

When humor is my strength, it’s easy for me to keep her giggling. If I’m going to you for dating advice, my hope is that you will know my strengths and point it out to me.

Displaying confidence is another tip a good friend should be telling me before a nervous date. There are a number of different techniques to show confidence; but it’ll mean nothing if I don’t know which areas I have confidence in.

For example, let’s say I am confident in my knowledge of spiny star fish because I have loved them since I was a kid. But how would I use that knowledge to show confidence. I mean c’mon…when did spiny star fish ever get a guy a second date?

But since you’re my homeboy, you’re going to help out and suggest how I can show her my interest in spiny star fishes. For example, take her to the aquarium on your first date and tell her a personal story of how you got into crustaceans.

A great friend can identify areas of confidence and help me create a fun dating experience.

3) Crap Advice: Be the Alpha Male

This archaic piece of advice lost its luster over the years. Sure there are mounds and mounds of research showing females preferring the “alpha dog” trait for a partner, but we’re in the 21st century where we can use our thinking caps and other techniques to get the attention of the girl.

When a friend tells me to be an “alpha male,” he’s generally telling me to shut down all competition and claim the prize for myself. He insists that I stand up and take charge of the situation, pull the girl away from other guys, and show her I’m the best of the best.

This might work in a club, but if I do this at your birthday party, I’m probably going to make some enemies after cock-blocking friends just to try and get a number. Plus, I’m sure you’d want to kimchi slap my face for being a douche at your party.

So what’s the better piece of advice you should be giving?

Tell me how to create a constantly desirable situation for that girl without being a tool. Out of everyone in the room, be the one delivering entertainment, engagement, appreciation, and respect. While someone else is “Alpha Male-ing,” I should be telling her stories of my recent travels, crafting jokes about celebrities, or expanding her mind with random trivia.

Girls will remember and appreciate experiences, so if I’m the one making her night the most memorable, then I’ve already won over any alpha-male in that room. That’s the goal a good friend should be setting for me.

Bad advice is given so often to our friends and we need to stop that. We want everyone to find the perfect match but that won’t happen if friends keep giving crap advice. After reading this article, you are now the go-to guy for dating advice that the single guys out there will depend on.