We can all recall an instance where we’ve been rejected. Rejection is painful. Rejection comes at you from all angles. Women. Jobs. Opportunities.
I’ve been rejected by tons of women, and it was much more painful early on. During that period, rejection meant that I was not good enough. It was almost a personal slight, a hit to the ego. But then you realize you can’t hate others for rejecting you. You can’t hate yourself for trying. Sometimes, it’s just easier for people to say “no”, and you win some, you lose some.
But stories of being rejected by women are rather commonplace. Often, the moral of these stories is you find out that women are different and what works on one woman won’t necessarily work on another. Perhaps, these stories will encourage you to take some notes on how you can improve your “game” in the future. Blah, blah, blah.
But here’s another perspective of rejection. I remember the worst rejection of my life, and man was it tough.
I got rejected for a job. It was junior year of college, and being in a competitive business school environment, that meant that you were expected to complete a summer internship. Not only that, but if you excelled in your internship, that meant that you could be offered a full-time position. For most students, this was a pivotal moment. After all, it’s tied to the main reason you went to college: to get a job.
Don’t get me wrong – this was a pivotal moment for me as well. That’s why I exhausted all of my resources, reaching out to my mom’s boss, who was buddies with a hiring manager for Fox Sports. For my readers who don’t know much about sports, Fox Sports is the authority for regional sports. Compare that to ESPN (you may have heard of them), the authority for nation-wide sports. Anyway, I was connected to the hiring manager, who set me up with an interview for a sales internship. The first interview went well, and I ended up doing two more. I actually prepared for these interviews. Wrote down notes and potential talking points. Basically, this was the first time I took an interview seriously.
The feedback was all positive, and in between the three interviews, I sent thank-you notes, additional collateral (I made an e-book of projects I had been involved in), and followed up time and time again to check on the hiring process. I was optimistic. I was excited.
Then the phone rang one afternoon – after lunch – around 2:00 PM. I picked up the phone and was greeted by my first interviewer and point of contact. She told me that it came down to me and another guy, and the other guy got the job. My voice trembled as I thanked her for the opportunity. She complimented me on my application, and told me that basically they took the other guy because he was a sports management major (I was a marketing major). I hung up the phone and I cried. For probably two hours. I’m not the most emotional guy, but the tears couldn’t stop streaming down my eyes.
WHY DID I TAKE THE REJECTION SO HARD? + LESSONS LEARNED
It was uncharacteristic of me to take this rejection so hard. I had been rejected from other internship opportunities earlier that semester, and while disappointed, I never thought twice about those opportunities. The only difference with this one was that I was so invested. To me, this was my “dream” internship, although I had no idea how it was going to pan out. My passions weren’t even in sales, but the allure of working for a sports-related company was enough.
Not only that, but since my initial interview went so well, I stopped seeking other opportunities. I focused my sights, and didn’t have a Plan B. Unfortunately, I didn’t know my competition. I thought I could control my own destiny, but then someone else ended up being a better candidate than me. This was out of my control.
Despite all of the positive signals from Fox Sports during the interview process, my mom was the one who recommended that I continued to seek internships. She said nothing is official until the ink dries, and when I called to inform her of the rejection, she was able to say, “I told you so.” Of course, she WAS emotionally supportive. It took me a couple of days to get my mind right. It was now a crunch to get an internship position. I ended up accepting one in April, about a month before school ended.
HOW THIS RELATES TO WOMEN
Again, rejection is painful. It’s 10 times more painful when you get rejected from something (or someone) that you truly care about. And it’s 100 times more painful when you have nowhere else to turn. The abundance mentality applies in many aspects of life. Don’t look through a microscope and focus on one thing. Look through a telescope and see opportunities everywhere.
Being so emotionally invested was a positive and a negative. On the positive side, I pushed myself to do everything I could to get the job. On the negative side, I allowed myself to be part of an emotional roller-coaster. Remember when I said I followed up time and time again to check on the hiring process? Every time I checked my email and there was no response, I felt a low. Every time I checked my email and there was a response, I felt a high. Every time they praised me on my interview skills, I felt validated, and felt a high. And when they told me I ultimately failed, I felt the lowest of lows. It was foolish to be so strongly tied to the outcome. I realize that I did everything I could. There was just someone else who was a better fit.
Another lesson for me is that you don’t know what you truly want. I idealized this position, but there’s no telling if I would’ve actually liked it or hated it. The position I ended up accepting ended up being awesome. I got to travel to San Francisco for training, and spent the summer in Austin working on my own watch, with no supervision.
For the final time, rejection is painful, especially for someone who’s not used to it. You just can’t take it too personally. Only when you’ve been rejected time and time again will you start to get desensitized.
Written by Will Legend