Girls are very aroused by an excellent conversationalist.

As guys, we are primarily aroused physically. Think about the last time you saw a beautiful girl. Gorgeous face, piercing eyes, shiny hair, and the perfect curves that are hugged by a tight, revealing dress. Boom, that’s all it takes for us!

But for girls, it’s a different story. Girls are aroused both physically and psychologically. How do I know this? Well, every girl we interviewed said they have been attracted to a guy who was ugly or below average in looks.

What I’m getting at here is that good conversation can arouse women… strongly.

Unfortunately, most guys have no idea how to have the type of conversation that will turn a woman on. And unless you’re a natural conversationalist, you will probably find yourself struggling at times to keep a conversation going with new women. 

For example, maybe when you approach girls, this happens:

“Hey, I thought you were cute so I wanted to meet you. I’m Will.”

“Aw thanks! Hi, my name is Jane.”

“Nice to meet you, Jane.”

“You too!”

“Are you from Los Angeles?”

“No. I’m from Minnesota.”

“Oh Okay cool. What do you do?”

“I’m an actress.”

“Oh. Nice.”

*Crickets*

“Well, okay, Will, it was nice to meet you.”

“You, too, Jane.”

Sound familiar? A lot of guys have a tough time having a legitimate conversation when meeting a girl. While small talk is pretty much the protocol for starting out, it’s something that guys should move away from as early on in the interaction as possible. By definition, small talk is “unimportant” or “uncontroversial”, and has nearly zero emotional impact.

Yes, you read that correctly: zero emotional impact. Here’s why, and let’s use the dialogue above as an example. When you talk to a girl, how much do you really care about where she’s from and what her profession is? None of this reveals who the person truly is. But perhaps you are interested in why she’s decided to live in Los Angeles. She tells you that she’s a part-time actress who does hairdressing as a means for paying the bills. Well, then you can dive even deeper and find out what compelled her to want to become an actress. And so on. These are the things that actually reveal who the person truly is.

So how do transition from small talk into interesting conversation, so that you can psychologically arouse the girl? Here are three tips that can help:

Quit the Small Talk Early, Find “EMOTION” Topics

This is an obvious point, but here are a couple of topics that you can always revert to if you feel the conversation is starting to be tedious: childhood, passions, fears, and goals. Most people love talking about these topics, but it’s rare for strangers (or even friends) to bring them up. If you can find common ground on these deeper topics, it builds a much deeper connection than if you found common ground on surface topics.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you should necessarily broach the topic of childhood right away. The trick is to gracefully transition to these topics. For example,

You: “How long have you been in Los Angeles?”

Her: “For five years now.”

You: “And where did you live before?”

Her: “I grew up in Minnesota.”

You: “Whoa, Minnesota. I’ve heard there’s nothing to do there other than to ice fish. How did you entertain yourself as a kid?”

This is a quick transition to get her talking about what she found fun as a kid. From that, you can already start to find out who this girl is. A useful strategy is to try hit on something that she’s absolutely passionate about – something that she can basically talk about for hours and hours.

Basically in order to get to these meaningful topics, you must ask questions.

Every Question Must Be an Impact Question (Avoid Interview Mode)

People feel more connected to you not from how much they know about you but instead from how much they think you know about them.

That’s why asking question is the best way to build a connection. However, it should be said that you should not to go into “interview mode” – and this is why. Think about the last job interview you went to. Were you at any point compelled by the interviewer? Did you ever want to learn more about the interviewer? Probably not. That because he’s rapidly firing question after question. Don’t fall into this trap. Otherwise, you’ll seem mechanical – you won’t seem genuinely interested.

Instead, ask open-ended questions (questions that can’t be answered with a “yes” or a “no”), listen to what she says, and make comments. In a non-interview type interaction, you shouldn’t be the only one asking questions. Your comments need to contain details that hooks her into asking YOU a question.

For example.

You: “Why did you move to Los Angeles?”

Her: “Oh to become an actress.”

You: “Really? That’s awesome I did that too. I was on a hit TV show.”

Her: “Oh wow. Which show?” (Make her ask you a question by saying something intriguing)

Open up about yourself – your vulnerability makes you “real” and creates a genuine connection

Ok, so what comments should you be making? Well, you want to always relate everything to yourself and start revealing more as the interaction goes on. For example, if she says she’s originally from Minneapolis, you can say,

“Oh, I have an uncle who lives there. I remember visiting him when I was a kid.”

There’s two benefits to this. One, it gives her a launching pad to continue the conversation. In this example, she can ask if you recall anything about Minneapolis, or where exactly your uncle lives. Two, it reassures her that you’re interested in what she has to say.

Don’t be afraid to open up about yourself, but you don’t want to go into a lengthy monologue. Don’t talk more than her, but do provide her with enough details about yourself that can get her talking. Remember, people feel more connected to you not from how much they know about you but instead from how much they think you know about them.

A lot of people have asked me about how to not have a boring conversation, so I thought this might help you guys. Try these three tips next time you’re out, and let me know how you do. Instead of straining to keep the conversation going, chances are you’ll have an effortless conversation that will be more fun for her and for you!

Good luck, boss.

Model: Jeri Lee from Amped Asia May 2014. 

Written by Will Legend