I recently spoke to Ryker, creator of Asian Dating Superstars recently to find out the different challenges that Asian guys face when trying to date and attract women, and what they can do to solve these challenges. You can learn more about his program here
You can sense from talking to Ryker that he is very passionate about helping fellow Asian men and being Asian too, he can definitely relate and understand most of the challenges that Asian guys face.
So here are his answers and the best advice he has for Asian guys who want to overcome their insecurities and get better with women.
Ryker, what are some of the biggest challenges Asian men face with women?
Lance, you know that’s a great question to ask and actually I have spent a great deal of time investigating why Asian men are not getting the same quality of success as guys of other races.
And after really paying close attention to the whole issue, I have broken it down to 3 big reasons.
The first reason is that most Asian guys spend too much time worrying and fearing that girls will mock them and dislike them straight away because they are Asian. No kidding, before they walk up, they feel the girls are already against them.
Now, most guys I know have 2 reactions to this.
The first group decideds to resign himself to this sad fate and they slink away into the darkness, too afraid to approach. The second react in anger and outrage, and they approach over-aggressively, like they have a point to prove, and therefore scare the poor girl off.
Both positions assume an immediate “under-dog” mindset – that being Asian is some limitation to overcome.
Now most Asian guys feel this way because the media has been extremely unfair towards the Asian male population and really, if you look at the situation, it’s almost inexcusable. Asian men in the movies are almost always the nerdy, geeky computer programmer who is either ignored or laughed at and ridiculed, or we are stereotyped as the kung-fu king who can kick butt, speak heavily-accented Chinese but nothing more.
And prolonged watching of this Hollywood garbage means that most Asian guys have slowly assimilated this poisonous identity. Add to that the very lack of positive Asian male stereotypes and you have a growing generation of Asian men who think that being nerdy and geeky is the meaning of being Asian, which is a bunch of nonsense.
The whole Asian upbringing by our parents and the whole Asian culture as an entity is such that we value obedience, harmony and respect, more than being vocal, over-expressive and opinionated.
Most Asian guys reading this know when you are young and you decide to get smart and mouth something clever back to your mum, you get one across the face straightaway for disrespect.
After a while, you learn that the best way to live is to be quiet, be obedient and not say too much. We play it safe, we don’t over-step the boundaries, and we work hard – which is all and good, but it is absolutely destructive when you bring that attitude to meeting women.
The common complaint white girls and even just girls have in general about Asian guys are they are just too quiet, too stoic, too non-expressive. They sit in the corner, have barely nothing to say, just stare at the girl and after a while, the girl is either creeped out or she just plain overlooks you and thinks you are transparent.
Sometimes even, the girl forgets your name and she forgets that you even exists and that is really terrible.
Finally, as a culture, Asian guys are born thinking and analyzing a lot more. Just look at the number of computer scientists, engineers and mathematicians we produce as a culture, we are born analytical and we can break things down quickly.
Now, while that’s good for getting through college, that sucks for talking to girls because most Asian guys spend the whole time, plotting their next move like playing Chinese Chess. They try to over-think the interaction, second-guess the girl when they should be paying attention to her.
The end result is the conversation gets awkward, or the girl just feels she is ignored and that you are not paying attention to her and she walks off in an angry puff, leaving you there standing all alone with your drink in your hand.
Why do some of these issues happen?
I spent a great deal of time really wondering why this problem seems to only affect Asian guys especially badly, rather than guys from other races.
And I think to answer this question, you really have to dig deep into the whole history of the Asian culture and the Asian mindset.
As a culture, Asians tend to stick together, and value harmony and conformity over Western ideals like independence, speaking out and being opinionated.
From young, the Asian male is taught to obey, to conform, to live up to certain ideals set by his elders. And if he even dares to transgress on these laws, he is dealt with the firm slap across the face from his elders.
There is much to be proud of in the Asian culture, but when the average Asian guy begins to be over-obedient, and too rigid because of conditioning, he carries this forward to everyday social interactions and that’s when the whole mess happens.
He is seen as rigid, uncomfortable, ill-at-ease in interactions or at times, regarded as quiet and even “a rock” who just sits there and barely has anything to say, any reaction. The girls think he is weird, and just plain avoid him because they don’t know what to make of him.
He just fades into the background, unnoticed and that’s a very sad place to be.
Also, the western media re-enforces this stereotype and it really hurts because prolonged viewing of such shows makes Asian guys slowly assimilate and absorb this negative identity.
Eventually, they feel that being nerdy, geeky and being a laughing stock is part and parcel of being Asian – which is totally wrong.
Their peer group too may re-enforce this too – by either being very defeatist and just surrendering to this negative stereotype or being very angry and trying to prove a point.
Both of which only further re-enforce the misguided identity that being Asian is weak and a handicap that has to be overcome.
Finally, many Asian guys are not blessed with the tallest of height or broadest of frames. In fact, they are sometimes shorter than average and not as muscular, and when they see guys of other races being taller, buffer and more dominant in appearance, they immediately give up and assume it’s game over for them.
All these factors result in a vicious cycle that causes Asian guys to be a subject of mocking and teasing by girls and the media, and the chief reason why they get so little respect.
With these in mind, how can Asian guys overcome these difficulties and get better with girls in general?
Great question again. Here’s what I suggest Asian guys do.
Firstly, the only and best way to break a a stereotype in your head is to find a strong role-model, so dominant and so completely different that just watching or listening to him completely and permanently smashes all limiting beliefs you ever had.
When you feel such a role model, so strong, so capable, so full of confidence and ability and you hear his stories, his thoughts and listen to him talk, you will immediately realize that all you once believed was false, and that being Asian is not a handicap, and that Asians can get good with women.
In my product Asian Dating Superstars, I don’t just provide you with one role model – I provide you with 12!
No kidding, 12 Asian guys who have had to rise from deeper ashes than most probably all the Asian readers reading this right now.
Some of them had to endure more shame, teasing, mocking, racist Asian comments than you can ever imagine, but each of them rose above these to become successful.
So when you listen to their stories and their thoughts, you begin to think – hey these guys are Asian, they understand how I feel but they too manage to succeed, maybe I can do this after all!
And you bet they understand how you feel, because they have the same, (if not deeper) emotional scars to prove it – and having walked the path you have walked, they can fix your issues faster than anyone else can.
The next important thing is to understand that reality can definitely be shifted and changed, but ONLY if you know how.
A lot of Asian guys have gone through their entire lives so far with no success with girls, and they automatically assume it’s lights out and game over for them. They assume they are destined to die single, and that no girl will even take a fancy to them.
WRONG!
Look, the 12 Asian dating coaches on my product each started in about the same bad shape as most Asian guys. Rejected left and right, girls avoiding them or toying with them before breaking their hearts, they have all been there.
But look where they are now, the same guys who used to laugh at them are now their students. You can be just as successful if you know how.
What I have done with Asian Dating Superstars is gotten them to reveal their own personal journey and transformation, and the very best of their personal learnings – and along the way, shatter every single one of the common limiting beliefs most Asian guys have that prevents them from succeeding.
Quite a few Asian guys carry a ton of emotional baggage when it comes to meeting and attracting women and you bet the women can sense it. They can smell if you have low-esteem, if you are afraid, if you don’t think much of yourself.
The key is after listening to the Asian Dating Superstar series, you will learn to drop a lot of this emotional baggage you’ve been carrying for so long, and begin to feel better about being an Asian male, regardless of what your past history is.
It’s like that strange moment of total clarity when you realize that yes, I can actually do this and you feel absolute self-confidence.
And one final piece of advice is this. You have to take risks.
Quit being too safe, too obedient, there are times when there is an opportunity you want right in front of you, and you have to squash everything else and go and grab it.
Screw being obedient all the time, sometimes when fear pops up, you gotta kick it in the balls and just charge forward to get what you want. You gotta be bigger than your fear.
In Asian Dating Superstars, I get the 12 Asian coaches to reveal how they used highly-effective techniques to re-wire their previously negative and harmful thinking, and enable them to achieve great confidence with women.
With this, you will learn how to get in touch with your natural masculine self and build unstoppable confidence. The fears and insecurities you had previously will melt away and you will find that your hands stop shaking, your teeth stop chattering and you stop shivering or stammering when you talk to girls.
You will be more expressive, more fluid and more natural.
I have not seen any other program out there this specific for the Asian population. I am Asian and I have been in the dumps before, girls rejecting me like I was invisible and transparent so I know exactly how Asian guys feel.
I am going to go one step further and say this – if you want to stop being rejected by women, stop feeling insecure about being Asian, stop leaving parties and social events feeling shitty and disappointed with your lack of confidence, you will find the solution right here.
Do it for yourself. You deserve it this time.
It’s time for Asian men to stop feeling sorry for themselves and to dust themselves up and get the respect we have always deserved, both as an individual and as a culture.
And I feel the journey begins here.
(For more information on how you too can overcome the negative self-beliefs you have about being Asian, and permanently eliminate almost all the Asian-related insecurities you have to become more confident and attractive to women, visit Asian Dating Superstars now. It could very well be the answer you were always looking for.)
Written by Editorial Staff