I am an Asian American man living in the state of New York. I’ve been through all of grade school in the United States and earned my degree at Binghamton
University. I know that Asian men in general are not as confident as white or black men living in the United States. Of course I’m stereotyping; there are a
lot of very confident Asian men and a lot of very unconfident white and black men. However, I will go out on a limb to say that there are plenty of Asian men
who need to be more self-confident. I’ve known a number of Asian men in my life, and a majority of them lack the confidence to ask an extremely hot girl out
on a date. The reason for this phenomenon is the racial barrier and our minority status in the States. Asians don’t exactly fit the mold of the American
culture sometimes, and this break from the norm often causes Asian men to just hole up in their shells and stay within their comfort zone. Secretly, however,
we all have a deep desire to break from the stereotypes and become the hunk-machines like Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt. Confidence in ourselves is really the key
to our vision.
In the pages that follow I will break down some of the best tips to start improving your confidence and increasing your chances with the opposite sex. These
tips come from personal experiences as well as research done by myself. My article will break down the two different types of confidence, how to acquire each
type of confidence, and what you can do to increase your level of confidence.
Building Outer Confidence
The first type of confidence is what I call outer confidence. This type of confidence is only a projected confidence; what the opposite sex will notice at
first glance. Sure you might be shaking inside, but outside you seem rock solid, and when you hit on her it seems like you are the most charismatic person
she has ever met.
Your appearance has a lot to do with your outer confidence. Nice clothes with a nice face/body. Keep your wardrobe nice and organized. Don’t wear the same
clothes twice in the same day. Keep your shirts ironed and clean. If you are overweight then start shedding pounds or cutting back on your caloric intake. If
you’re incredibly skinny, you might want to head to the gym or buy some weights. Either way, unless you’re already spectacularly ripped, getting a more
muscular frame plus a six pack will help your outer confidence a lot. Keep your back from slouching as well, since this is one of the most unattractive
traits that a man can have.
Personal hygiene is also very important. You’ll just be more nervous if you think “Wow I’m pretty sure I smell bad right now.” Furthermore, if you’re
noticeably sweating or dirty, it will cause you to be very self-conscious. When you feel that you look sharp and sexy, you’re going to feel more confident in
yourself. When you think you look bad, your confidence level will be just as bad.
Guys are quite lucky since we aren’t required to be informed about fashion to look good, and our clothing doesn’t go out of fashion in the next season. I
obviously can’t advise you how to dress since there are different fashions for businesswear to casual wear. You usually can’t go wrong with brand name
clothes, but you can look just as good with a regular t-shirt. Just make sure you wear something that you’re comfortable in.
Your looks are only one half of the equation. The other half is your speech and body language. Mumbling, saying “umm” a lot, or not maintaining eye contact
are signs of insecurity that girls will pick up on. I once had a friend who always looked away when he talked to me or other people. Not only does this show
a lack of confidence, but it can piss some people off, male or female.
Your voice is one of the key instruments in showing off your confidence. Having a nicely paced, deep (but not exaggerated), and smooth voice is very sexy.
Don’t speak too fast when you talk because you risk seeming nervous or saying something wrong. Have you noticed that when you speak in front of a group
nervously, you tend to talk faster? Fast speech indicates a level of nervousness, so make sure you speak in a normal pace and moderate pitch.
If you have trouble holding conversation with beautiful women but not ordinary women, then you probably need to re-evaluate your mindset. Treat everyone as
if they weren’t gorgeous. Don’t immediately place a woman on a pedestal because she looks like a model. Talk to her like you would talk to a friend or family member. Then when you get comfortable just talking like you have a completely platonic relationship, start actually trying to make her fall in love.
Always maintain eye contact when you are speaking with someone, but don’t turn it into a staring contest. Make sure you don’t seem like you are just staring
at them. Use nods and facial gestures to seem like you are alive. Keeping a smile on your face also gives the impression that you are a very confident and
nice person to be around. If you have trouble doing any of these, the only remedy is practice. Find a female, try to have a nice conversation, remind
yourself if you are doing anything wrong, and then correct your mistakes on the next try.
Another great way to improve your outer confidence is to visualize the future. You see a gorgeous girl on a table next to yours. Instead of trying to talk to
her candidly, first visualize yourself going to her table, engaging in conversation, and having a fun time. Tell yourself that this is how you want to end up
and think about what you could start saying. Some people can just start talking with no problem, but others need something to get them jumpstarted. Make sure
you have your little jumpstart before you approach her.
Extra Tips for Outer Confidence
#1) Be brash – have a “just do it” attitude –
You see a cute girl, don’t hesitate, just go for it. Once you see her get it ingrained in your mind that YOU WILL go up to her. Don’t ever think it’s not a
good moment.
#2) Don’t be too serious –
Don’t seem like a grumpy person or a loner. Make yourself look upbeat, positive, and fun to be around. This type of personality gets other people addicted to
you, no matter their sex.
#3) Nice guys can still be confident –
Just because everyone says nice guys finish last doesn’t mean it applies to Asians. Seriously, a good, loving relationship comes from two nice people. You
can be confident without coming across as too cocky or arrogant.
By this point, you probably want to learn about the second type of confidence. Read the next page for more.
Written by Steven Lin