I am an Asian American man living in the state of New York. I’ve been through all of grade school in the United States and earned my degree at Binghamton

University. I know that Asian men in general are not as confident as white or black men living in the United States. Of course I’m stereotyping; there are a

lot of very confident Asian men and a lot of very unconfident white and black men. However, I will go out on a limb to say that there are plenty of Asian men

who need to be more self-confident. I’ve known a number of Asian men in my life, and a majority of them lack the confidence to ask an extremely hot girl out

on a date. The reason for this phenomenon is the racial barrier and our minority status in the States. Asians don’t exactly fit the mold of the American

culture sometimes, and this break from the norm often causes Asian men to just hole up in their shells and stay within their comfort zone. Secretly, however,

we all have a deep desire to break from the stereotypes and become the hunk-machines like Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt. Confidence in ourselves is really the key

to our vision.

In the pages that follow I will break down some of the best tips to start improving your confidence and increasing your chances with the opposite sex. These

tips come from personal experiences as well as research done by myself. My article will break down the two different types of confidence, how to acquire each

type of confidence, and what you can do to increase your level of confidence.

Building Outer Confidence
The first type of confidence is what I call outer confidence. This type of confidence is only a projected confidence; what the opposite sex will notice at

first glance. Sure you might be shaking inside, but outside you seem rock solid, and when you hit on her it seems like you are the most charismatic person

she has ever met.
Your appearance has a lot to do with your outer confidence. Nice clothes with a nice face/body. Keep your wardrobe nice and organized. Don’t wear the same

clothes twice in the same day. Keep your shirts ironed and clean. If you are overweight then start shedding pounds or cutting back on your caloric intake. If

you’re incredibly skinny, you might want to head to the gym or buy some weights. Either way, unless you’re already spectacularly ripped, getting a more

muscular frame plus a six pack will help your outer confidence a lot. Keep your back from slouching as well, since this is one of the most unattractive

traits that a man can have.

Personal hygiene is also very important. You’ll just be more nervous if you think “Wow I’m pretty sure I smell bad right now.” Furthermore, if you’re

noticeably sweating or dirty, it will cause you to be very self-conscious. When you feel that you look sharp and sexy, you’re going to feel more confident in

yourself. When you think you look bad, your confidence level will be just as bad.

Guys are quite lucky since we aren’t required to be informed about fashion to look good, and our clothing doesn’t go out of fashion in the next season. I

obviously can’t advise you how to dress since there are different fashions for businesswear to casual wear. You usually can’t go wrong with brand name

clothes, but you can look just as good with a regular t-shirt. Just make sure you wear something that you’re comfortable in.

Your looks are only one half of the equation. The other half is your speech and body language. Mumbling, saying “umm” a lot, or not maintaining eye contact

are signs of insecurity that girls will pick up on. I once had a friend who always looked away when he talked to me or other people. Not only does this show

a lack of confidence, but it can piss some people off, male or female.

Your voice is one of the key instruments in showing off your confidence. Having a nicely paced, deep (but not exaggerated), and smooth voice is very sexy.

Don’t speak too fast when you talk because you risk seeming nervous or saying something wrong. Have you noticed that when you speak in front of a group

nervously, you tend to talk faster? Fast speech indicates a level of nervousness, so make sure you speak in a normal pace and moderate pitch.

If you have trouble holding conversation with beautiful women but not ordinary women, then you probably need to re-evaluate your mindset. Treat everyone as

if they weren’t gorgeous. Don’t immediately place a woman on a pedestal because she looks like a model. Talk to her like you would talk to a friend or family member. Then when you get comfortable just talking like you have a completely platonic relationship, start actually trying to make her fall in love.

Always maintain eye contact when you are speaking with someone, but don’t turn it into a staring contest. Make sure you don’t seem like you are just staring

at them. Use nods and facial gestures to seem like you are alive. Keeping a smile on your face also gives the impression that you are a very confident and

nice person to be around. If you have trouble doing any of these, the only remedy is practice. Find a female, try to have a nice conversation, remind

yourself if you are doing anything wrong, and then correct your mistakes on the next try.
Another great way to improve your outer confidence is to visualize the future. You see a gorgeous girl on a table next to yours. Instead of trying to talk to

her candidly, first visualize yourself going to her table, engaging in conversation, and having a fun time. Tell yourself that this is how you want to end up

and think about what you could start saying. Some people can just start talking with no problem, but others need something to get them jumpstarted. Make sure

you have your little jumpstart before you approach her.

Extra Tips for Outer Confidence
#1) Be brash – have a “just do it” attitude –
You see a cute girl, don’t hesitate, just go for it. Once you see her get it ingrained in your mind that YOU WILL go up to her. Don’t ever think it’s not a

good moment.

#2) Don’t be too serious –
Don’t seem like a grumpy person or a loner. Make yourself look upbeat, positive, and fun to be around. This type of personality gets other people addicted to

you, no matter their sex.

#3) Nice guys can still be confident –
Just because everyone says nice guys finish last doesn’t mean it applies to Asians. Seriously, a good, loving relationship comes from two nice people. You

can be confident without coming across as too cocky or arrogant.

By this point, you probably want to learn about the second type of confidence. Read the next page for more.

Written by Steven Lin

Building Inner Confidence
Inner confidence is not something you project, but it is something you feel inside. When you have inner confidence you feel brave enough to take risks; you

aren’t afraid of the future. A synonym for this type of confidence could be self-esteem. This inner confidence is one of the main ingredients to help you in

the dating game because after you grab her interest you need to start building on the relationship. This inner confidence is also the thing that prevents you

from freaking out just because another guy is hitting on your woman.

This inner confidence is sort of like cockiness in away. You feel invincible, like the whole world is your playground. The keyword here is “feel,” because

obviously, if you display this type of confidence it can and will lead others to believe you to be arrogant and conceited. Inside, you can be as arrogant as

you want to, but remember to stay humble on the outside and let your outer confidence take its course.
But what use is inner confidence? Isn’t outer confidence all you really need? Well it’s true that outer confidence is necessary, however inner confidence is

just as necessary. You’ve heard all about the pretty models that have problems with anorexia and body image. This is because their inner confidence is

shattered. Sure they look gorgeous on the outside and seem to be able to keep any man whipped, but without inner confidence a person isn’t truly “confident.”

These same girls lose their relationships because they have a rocky inner foundation. The same rule applies for men. Sure you’ve got her initially interested

with your outer confidence, but only through inner confidence can you make sure she stays interested.

Inner confidence also gives you an advantage in the relationship. If one side of the relationship feels that they have the upper hand, then the relationship

becomes tipped in that person’s favor. Being confident prevents the power in the relationship from tipping over to the other side. Once it’s tipped to the

other side, it becomes much easier for your girl to start losing interest in you. You’re no longer the exciting man she fell in love with, and you start

seeming like a brotherly/friendly figure to her. The couple then breaks up and then you’ve just shattered your inner confidence even more.

Inner confidence is built by all the things you would expect. Getting compliments from someone, especially someone of the opposite sex is a great inner

confidence booster. Doing activities that break your fears is another confidence booster. Go do something that seems horrifying. Bungee-jumping for instance.

Or maybe getting two girls’ phone numbers in one night (ok immoral, but satisfying just the same). Getting applause from a crowd can also boost your

confidence immensely. Perhaps you could pick up a hobby that requires performing on a stage such as doing magic tricks or playing an instrument.
Talking also builds inner confidence. The more you talk the more you are comfortable with expressing yourself to others. Try talking to everyone you meet.

Ask a lot of questions. Once you’re comfortable talking and initiating speech, it becomes easy for you to keep a girl interested and to avoid awkward long

silences.

What to Avoid

There are also a few things that you should absolutely avoid, especially in the courting process.

1) Lying or being false – Don’t say that you liked something when you absolutely hated it. Don’t pretend just for the sake of seeming cool or

better. This is because when you feel an inner conflict you oftentimes will display a loss of confidence. You might get nervous that she finds out that you’

re lying. You might start mumbling to get words out. Girls do have a sixth sense and they CAN tell when you’re totally lying and they will punish you for it.

Tell yourself in advance that you won’t lie to her.

2) Being cocky – Although I’ve already mentioned this, there’s a difference between exuding confidence and exuding cockiness. Just because you know

how to brag about yourself doesn’t mean you are going to succeed in a relationship. Make sure you recognize when you’re being too confident to the point of

cockiness.

3) Pick up lines – They sound good on paper, but they aren’t effective in real life. There are some rare times that a pick up line might actually

work. These times are far and few between. Usually only a genuinely funny comedian can make these work, so unless you pride yourself in being a real

comedian, then DON’T USE PICK-UP LINES.

4) Being too persistent – (Reference image above) If they say no, don’t keep bugging them. You’ll come across as desperate which will even lessen

your chances. Instead, try perhaps altering your image a little bit, or toning up your body a bit. Wait a little bit and have a new approach BEFORE you try

again.

Setting Yourself Goals

Now that you know the two types of confidences and how to build them, you need to start accomplishing your goals. One way to track your progress is by

keeping a journal of your endeavors. Jot down anything you accomplished in that day. For example, one entry could be “finally got the nerve to talk to that

girl who lives on my dorm floor” or it could be “gave my presentation to the whole class and felt great.” After a while, you’ll realize that you are

confident in almost every aspect of your life, and you can start writing articles like this for Amped Asia :)

Written by Steven Lin