If you want to date me, don’t give me this shit…
Some gentlemen prefer blondes. Some prefer brunettes. Some like shy women, some outgoing women, and if my grandfather is anything to judge by, some prefer Asian women.
In recent weeks I’ve been talking about how Asian women are sick and tired of the fetishization exhibited by men. I’ve also realized that a lot of the guys who prefer Asian women tend to be clueless about how to successfully date one. For example, one of the detractors of my yellow fever article featured tons of pictures of Asian import models and pornstars on his Facebook gallery — something that I assure you will NOT attract most Asian women.
This article isn’t really intended to be a “how-to” article. It’s more of a rant I have about the creepy guys out there and the shit they’re doing.
1) Quit with the Asian porn fantasies.
I get it, one day a friend of a friend’s cousin’s girlfriend’s brother showed you something with a couple of tentacles and chicks with two magical black dicks, and I totally won’t find it in your Google search history. Totally. But as hilarious and disturbing as is some of the cartoon porn produced by Japan, it IS popular, and there ARE men who think it’s acceptable or even endearing to treat Asian women like a sick fetish fantasy because that’s what they see in hentai and train molestation porn.
NEWSFLASH: we’re not your Real Dolls.
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2) Don’t tell me you love Asian women or that all your exes are Asian.
Dude. Stop broadcasting the fact that you like Asian women over other races. Even if you do like Asian girls, keep that shit to yourself. It’s creepy man. Creepy. And don’t comment on my photos on Facebook and Instagram saying how much you like Asian girls.
AND ESPECIALLY don’t tell me how you went to the Philippines where you met your first wife and now you realize that Asian women are the best. Seriously.
To be fair, it’s kind of okay to say that if you’re an Asian guy though.
3) Don’t hit on me when I’m having conversation with my girlfriend.
There are places where women of all races congregate—the mall, for example. At your local Chinatown you might have a nice little boba shop that you hit up frequently. When I’m talking to my girlfriend and sipping on tea the last thing I want is to be hit on by some random guy. Don’t be that dude who creeps those spots trying to find Asian women to hit on. I’m trying to drink my freakin’ boba.
Unless we’re ALL giving you this look, don’t even try hitting on us.
4) Work on your value as a human being.
This one should be a no-brainer for improving your chances with any woman, but it’s especially important with minority women who have often found themselves the strange subjects of sexual fetish. When Asian women are fetishized by men of other races—and they ARE—it’s often by older, divorced men with enough money to throw around and “buy” the perfect wife. You know the type: overweight, socially awkward, wife and kids left him after his mid-life crisis. I’m not saying every man who likes Asian women is like this, but these men DO exist and every Asian woman has been propositioned by one. So it goes a long way for you to hit the gym, update your wardrobe, take up an awesome hobby (I suggest taming lions), and prove to her that you’re not one of those creeps harassing her inbox every day.
5) Stay humble, and especially no #Humblebrag.
We all know that guy who thinks he’s God’s gift to women. He thinks he’s the hottest, most amazing thing on the face of the planet and that he can have any tail he likes. But this type of cocky fellow becomes a particularly nasty shade of ugly when his object of desire isn’t just women, but Asian women in particular. One look at the now-defunct Creepy White Guys tumblr revealed a treasure trove of creepy mouthbreathers who are SO confident and cocky about getting Asian women, they forget how to actually woo a woman. It’s full of men bragging about everything from their fat wallets to their fat dicks, but another glance at the commentary on the same tumblr just goes to show how much Asian women hate it when guys get overconfident about nabbing that sweet Oriental ladyflesh. DON’T act like she’s a carnival prize you’re sure to win. DO remember that you’re not entitled to anything. Nobody likes it when a guy acts superior and douchetastic.
From the “Creepy White Guys” tumblr.
6) Don’t mock my culture or pretend to speak in my accent, you douchebag.
Asian men know this one already because they usually share the same culture as the Asian lady they pursue, but for the rest of you interested in getting in on the wonders of interracial dating, the number one cardinal rule is to NOT treat her culture like a zoo attraction. If you’re dating a Chinese woman, for example, feel free to learn about Chinese New Year so you can participate with her and her family. But don’t assume it’s suddenly cool and acceptable to start wearing traditional Chinese clothing out on dates with her like it’s some fancy costume party. You wouldn’t wear blackface around an African-American woman, would you? That’s not called cultural appreciation, that’s called being an asshole.
7) Meet me through friends.
The best way to meet your potential boyfriend or girlfriend is through other people. Not at a club (those are for one night stands).
And if you want to date more Asian women, you need to know more Asian women. There are two major truths in the dating world: women like seeing men who know how to behave around other women, and it’s not uncommon for people to hook their friends up. You need to know more women in order to know how to TREAT women, and you need to know more Asian women in order to know how to treat them. Trust me, Sandy Chu is going to be the first person to point out that your first date is going to crash and burn when you show up with a set of commemorative chopsticks instead of a bouquet of flowers.
But furthermore, nobody will be impressed if your social circle is exclusively comprised of Asian women—that fetish shit gets old FAST—but the more Asian women you know, the better your chances of meeting her hot sister or friend. It’s called seeing and being seen.
8) Don’t be desperate.
The sick Asian porn fantasies, cocky and entitled behavior, and treating her like a zoo attraction all have one thing in common that every female everywhere hates: they make you look insanely desperate. No woman wants to date a guy who is desperate; no Asian woman wants to date a guy who is desperate for Asian women. But why do women hate desperate men? Because it makes us think you’re not actually interested in us as women, you’re just interested in getting laid and you’ll take what you can get. Obsessing over Asian women only tells Asian women one thing: that they don’t actually exist as people and if they date you, they’re signing themselves up for life as your accessory.
Written by Cindy Young