Welcome to Asiaholics Anonymous. My name is Alice, and I love Asian men. There, I said it. I also have a dream job and I am a woman on a mission: I travel all over the country with ABCs of Attraction helping Asian men overcome their social fears, find themselves, and approach the women of their dreams… no matter her race.
(Here is a picture of me. I’m pretty cute aren’t I?)
When my clients find out that I’m extremely attracted to Asian men, I get asked a lot of questions. Why are you different? What makes you love Asian men so much? Why are Asian guys so special to you?
I get it, I really do. After 200 years of systematic denigration, discrimination, and stereotypes, it’s rare to come across a Caucasian girl who loves dating Asian men. It’s not even been 30 years since Asian men in Hollywood were portrayed as men like Long Duk Dong, and even now there are characters like Leslie Chow being played with the worst of the worst negative Asian stereotypes. It’s hard to imagine what could possess a girl to pursue such a universally scorned race of men… and also easy to see why there’s a much higher rate of interracial marriage among Asian women than Asian men.
But I refuse to be a part of that system. I love Asian men…
1) Because Asian men are sexy. I don’t expect every Asian guy to look like a Suju clone who just walked off the set of the latest drama. Let’s nip that in the bud right now. Some gentlemen prefer blondes. I prefer Asians. I love the high cheekbones, the almond-shaped eyes. I can’t name an Asian feature that I DON’T like. My eyes are drawn to a handsome Asian man like the average girl is drawn to Ryan Gosling. There’s nothing wrong with white men, but that’s just not where my eyes drift.
2) Because fobby accents are sexy. No, not every Asian man has a fobby accent, and I won’t crucify him if he doesn’t have one. But a fobby accent is like the icing on the cake for me. I can just close my eyes and listen to him talk, and it’s like music in my ears compared to the typical unaccented English. I always like to say that English doesn’t borrow from other languages; it follows them down dark alleyways, knocks them unconscious, and rummages through their pockets for loose grammar. But fobby Asian accents can turn English from a mishmash of twenty different languages into a symphony.
3) Because I have very high standards. I always told myself that I would never end up with a man who had less education and less of a drive to succeed than I do. Only a third of white Americans have a college degree – I am in the minority who do – whereas over half of Asian Americans have one. Over the years I have found that the more educated I become, the less and less I have in common with men who aren’t as highly educated. Those without a college degree are good people, but I have lofty goals and I want any man in my life to be able to match them.
4) Because that’s what I know. I was raised in a heavily Chinese environment and you could say that I was essentially indoctrinated. My mother thought it would be good for me, so she encouraged it, even when I came home from the third grade one day bragging about how one day I was going to marry Liu Fangzhou because he was just so cute and funny. By the time I was old enough to start realizing that boys don’t have cooties, all I could see were my Chinese classmates and their dads. I imprinted. I never had any illusions that I was actually Chinese, but by the time I became an adult, I had spent so much time around Chinese men that I didn’t register other races as romantic partners – Chinese men just became as normal for me as white men are for other white girls.
5) Because a lot of white guys just don’t “get” it. It’s not hard to imagine that with my upbringing, I didn’t just have romantic indoctrination. There was plenty of cultural indoctrination as well. Growing up I didn’t think there was anything strange about me being Irish but knowing gongfu cha before I knew how to bake a cake, that I was slowly being turned into a dutiful Chinese daughter. To this day, people still say that I act fobby. So what happens when I’m with a non-Asian man? He thinks I’m strange. I look Western. I sound Western. Everything on the outside suggests that he’s getting a typical Western girl, but when my “fobbisms” start to slip out – sometimes I even forget how to speak English – it puts him off. I’ve had too much of non-Asian men trying to lecture me on why it’s stupid that I “act Asian,” so I feel more comfortable with someone who is familiar with my background and won’t raise an eyebrow at me doing something strange.
If I love Asian men so much, it should come as no surprise that I’m a huge advocate of Asian men in interracial relationships, but it would be unrealistic and absurd to expect every Asian guy out there to be able to find a borderline fobby white girl who was practically adopted by an entire Chinatown. I know I’m unique, strange even. In fact, I usually encourage Asian guys to NOT pursue women who prefer their race. It is so easy for these women to fall into the trap of liking men because of an unrealistic ideal they saw in a Korean music video and expecting every Asian man to look like Jang Wooyoung – the Korean equivalent of Channing Tatum.
That’s just not fair to Asian men, and that completely bypasses a huge segment of the single most populous male race on the planet.
If you can find your dream girl who loves Asian men and doesn’t expect you to look like a movie star, congratulations. Pat yourself on the back and marry that girl. But let me let you in on a little secret: as much as I love Asian men, I have never once in my entire life been approached by one. That’s right, I have had to do the approaching on my own. I lived in THAILAND and I had to approach on my own. If you never grab life by the balls and approach that beautiful girl, you will never know if she likes Asian men. You might even spark a newfound love of Asian men that she never knew she had before.
I know it’s often hard to drum up the courage to approach a beautiful girl. What if she laughs? What if I screw up? But the way I see it, a man has three options… He can sit back and do nothing, only guessing at what he missed out on. He can practice day after day and slowly build up his skills of talking to women. Or he can skip the beginner phase and give himself a jump start by checking out some of the tips and tricks my friends have over at ABCs of Attraction. But no matter which path a man chooses, he can make excuses or have beautiful women in his life; he can’t do both.
PS. Any Asian guys need a date?
Written by Alice Zindagi