This is an article from our 2015 Sex & Porn Issue. Grab the issue in our app or on desktop!
If you’re like a lot of guys, you occasionally go through a dry spell. Whether it’s because you’re in between girlfriends or because your relationship has started to go stale, you’re just not having as much sex as you used to. Shit happens. The thing is, sex is great, and if you’re just not having enough of it, life starts to get boring.
But this is 2015, time for a new year, a new you, and more (better!) sex. The good news is that it’s pretty easy to get out of a sexless rut, and with these ten quick tips you’ll be on the fast track to improving your sex life in no time:
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1) Change your routine.
How many places have you tried to pick up women in the past year? Two? Three? Do you have a favorite bar you go to, a fun place that’s so awesome you’re a regular there? Then congratulations, you’re part of your own problem. It might seem like a good idea to get to know your stomping grounds intimately, but how many women do you think are regulars there, just like you? When do you think you’ll stop seeing new faces? At some point, you’re either going to fall into a rut of running out of women to approach or of seeing the exact same kind of woman over and over again. It’s boring. You need to check out different clubs—and different TYPES of clubs—to meet more and diverse women, or you risk running out of women, period.
2) Find a class or activity that allows you to meet a lot of women.
Speaking of changing your routine, if you rely solely on bars and clubs to pick up women, you’re cutting your chances of meeting women IN HALF. Not only that, you’re also reducing your chances of meeting quality women. Enroll in an exercise club. Join a local running group. Go hiking with the local outdoorsy clubs every Saturday morning. You can still go out and bring women home from the clubs every week, but socializing in the daytime doubles the number of women you’ll meet. The added bonus is that having a shared interest with a girl makes you look infinitely more interesting to her, AND if you’re looking for more than just sex, daytime socializing makes you more likely to meet girlfriend material.
3) Clean / upgrade your living area.
I once met a guy I thought was perfect. He was gorgeous, he had an incredible personality, and it was like we were made for each other. So I went home with him. As soon as he opened the door, I was assaulted by a smell so foul I wanted to gag. His was the most disgusting apartment in California. There was trash everywhere, a dirty litterbox, soiled puppy training pads, it was disgusting. I felt like I needed a tetanus shot. It completely ruined the moment. A guy doesn’t have to be Martha Stewart, but having a filthy, disgusting place is a death sentence for your sex life. No girl wants you to bend her over the kitchen table when there’s moldy pizza on it. Give yourself 15 minutes a day to clean a different room in your place and cleaning becomes a much quicker task, and the ladies will thank you for it. (I never saw Mr. Cat Piss again.)
Furthermore, if you have a cool pad it makes the girl much more comfortable and interested when she comes to visit. If you can show her your cool fish tank, your artwork, items you collect, and other “interesting” stuff, the mood will generally be a lot more relaxed and comfortable. Sex then becomes more inevitable. Plus have a stocked fridge full of alcohol and things become a lot more fun all of a sudden.
4) Make your bedroom a sexual sanctuary.
Even if you have a spotlessly clean house, your bedroom can still completely kill a woman’s desire to sleep with you. A cluttered bedroom overflowing with clothes and packed with video games sends the message that you’re still stuck in your teenage years, but an excessively Spartan bedroom with little more than a mattress on the floor and nothing on the walls also tells a girl that you’re boring. A bedroom should be warm and inviting. Don’t feel afraid to invest in candles or a dark red bedspread and curtains; candles are an easy way to set the mood, and red is a sexual power color.
5) Work on your sex appeal.
If you want women to sleep with you, they have to WANT to sleep with you. Improve your hairstyle. Update your wardrobe. Join a gym. Do you want to sleep with the fat chick who wears man jeans and never showers? No? I didn’t think so. So why would you expect beautiful women to want to sleep with a guy like that? The thing you have to remember is that the more beautiful the woman, the more selective she can afford to be with the men she sleeps with, and the harder you’re going to have to try. If you’re not a classically attractive guy, that’s okay, because being fashionable goes a long way and shows that you’re willing to put forth some effort. And there’s an added bonus—working out not only increases your levels of testosterone and therefore your sex drive, it also makes you release pheromones that are more attractive to women.
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6) Read her body language.
Charm De La Cruz
A woman’s body language is a pretty good indicator of whether or not she will consider sleeping with you. If her arms are folded, she’s looking off into the distance, and her replies to your conversation are barely more than one-word answers, chances are she’s annoyed by your presence. So save your time and quit pushing it with a girl who doesn’t want to sleep with you; it’s not worth it to salvage the interaction with a girl who won’t even talk to you. If she’s making direct eye contact or leaning toward you, she’s into you. If she’s mirroring your body language, she’s paying attention to you. If she smiles, blushes, plays with her hair, or touches you on the arm or leg, you’re DEFINITELY headed in the right direction so keep on going!
7) Be direct.
Here’s a little secret: women love to be chased after. It makes us feel desired. For this reason, very few women will ask a guy out or make the first move on him. What often happens is a guy will be too afraid to let a woman know that he’s into her, so she assumes he doesn’t like her and she will move on to someone else… even if she’s absolutely crazy about that guy! What do you have to lose by telling a pretty girl that she’s gorgeous? That she won’t want to sleep with you? She wasn’t going to do that in the first place. But by letting her know, you’ve established a sexual foothold between the two of you AND you’ve made her feel like the prettiest girl in the room. Tell her how beautiful she is. Kiss her. Touch her in sensitive places like her lower back. Unlock the (bedroom) door for her and she’s more likely to come running through; leave her wondering about your interest and she’s only going to get frustrated.
8) Make women feel comfortable.
There are two major barriers to getting a woman to sleep with you: convincing her to come home with you in the first place, and convincing her to take her clothes off. That’s right, don’t assume that just because she came back to your place it’s a done deal. Here’s the thing, women have been told for hundreds of years that if they give it up, that makes them sluts, and that men are dangerous creatures. Give her a reason to come back to your place besides the sex. Something interesting, captivating. And once she’s there, don’t push too quickly to get her naked. Letting her settle down, have a glass of wine, and relax with you goes a lot farther than trying to fingerbang her in the doorway.
9) Become a master of foreplay.
This might come as a shock to a lot of men reading this, but less than 30% of women can orgasm through penetration alone. In fact, the majority of women orgasm during foreplay, not during sex, so mastering foreplay is going to increase your chances of making a girl scream your name all night. If you can give her an orgasm, you can probably get her to keep coming back to you for more. So how do you master foreplay? By asking a girl how she likes it. Women are great at faking it, and they’ll often do so during foreplay so the guy doesn’t feel bad. So don’t assume she likes it. Use your hands (and your tongue) to explore her body and ask her how it feels; if you ask instead of assume, she’s more likely to give you direction.
10) Get a passport.
You saw me mention trying new bars and clubs. You thought it sounded like a good idea to join a few social groups in your city. But what if you want MORE? What if you want to meet women unlike any you’ve ever seen before? What if you want to meet stunning, exotic beauties who are willing to sleep with you, no strings attached? Sounds pretty fucking awesome, doesn’t it? If you want to take your sexual game to the next level, you’re going to need a passport. Who doesn’t love gorgeous French femmes? Who isn’t into exotic Brazilian beauties? And what better place to meet these women than in their native lands? There’s an added bonus to meeting new women in foreign countries: as a tourist, these women know you won’t be around to bother them later, so they’ve got less resistance to passionate week-long flings.
For more personalized advice, email Cindy directly – cindy@ampedasia.com
How about another article? 10 Resolutions to Become a Better Dater in 2015
Written by Cindy Young