Editor Notes: Our justice dealing import/fitness model neighbor from the north brings the 2nd part to her trilogy. Probably my favorite one so far…

Dick Pic Diaries Part 2: “Charlies” – By Keo Necra
Photos by @made.photo

When it comes to cataloging dick pic senders, I can’t help but need to talk about the “Charlies” in my life. Charlies, in contrast to Gords, are young guns who have not yet learned the sense of humility, yet they’re sensitive and easily scorned. Their social media often consists of selfies in which they can be seen gesturing, squinting and/or biting their lips as a part of their swag. Those swaggy selfies are also accompanied by shitty, egotistical captions consisting of Drake lyrics and/or numerous hash tags promising that they are #BetterThanYourMan. The psychology behind why a Charlie would send a dick pic is a lot simpler than any other category of phallic senders. They think they’re hot AF because they receive constant validation from women around the web that they’ll sadly never meet in real life. Due to the immaturity of the Charlie, a compliment or a polite innocent encounter is usually mistaken for what I call: Consensual-digital freakiness.

Last year I received a dick pic from a dude that I met at a Hot Import Nights car show. He was your typical Charlie. He wore a tight v-necked muscle shirt despite the lack there of. To his credit, his lanky frame did have a little bit of a lean look due to physical activities like existing and flexing in front of the mirror occasionally. His fuck-boy haircut looked like it looked up to Cristiano Ronaldo’s perfectly swept coiffure, but deep down inside it was still the same haircut that got picked on in high school for being poor. His slim khaki joggers and boat shoes didn’t do him any favors either as his poor posture was only amplified by his choice of form fitting garments. He casually walked up to my merchandise table and stuck around to brag about his life as a model promoter.

That night he sent me an essay through my DM on Instagram complimenting the brief encounter we had at the show. I responded politely with a safe: “It was nice to meet you, too.” I guess there was something sexually charged about that response, as he felt compelled to mention how unfair it was for me to fly home without having at least one more encounter with him in a more private setting – without security hovering over me. More importantly he mentioned how he didn’t know what he was going to do with ‘this.’ *insert phallic selfie*

I wanted to suggest that he “burn it“ and “send it back to hell” as my first response, but oddly enough I had the strangest time trying to decide what the next plan of action was. I wanted to send a message that A.) conferred on to him the dignity of a man who could keep his peener to himself and more importantly B.) to school him on the art of superfluous phrases. ‘Nice to meet you” is a phrase that is often shared by two people after their first encounter to passively end a conversation. It’s like a ‘hey how are you?’ It’s just shit people say, but no one ever gives a fuck. The answer will 98% be: ‘good, you?’

At this point it’s a psychological power struggle where I didn’t want to respond to his dick pic with my lesson plan because it was too well thought out. Anything well thought out can be misconstrued as giving a fuck. If I didn’t respond, he would just assume that the power of his pecker pic just blew me away, leaving me speechless. Plus I had to respond because instagram is a snitch that shows the sender if the messaged has been received. Otherwise ignoring and public shaming is at the top of the plan of action list. Luckily, I had a response that taught him what I needed him to learn.

I simply replied: “Your pubes are fucking out of control, man. Good luck with that.” I can tell that he learnt a bit of humility because he responded in a panicked manner blaming the pube kerfuffle on bad lighting and offered to send some re-takes to prove that everything was all good. After failing to solicit anything more from me, he kept apologizing every hour until I did the unthinkable. I screenshotted everything and forwarded it to the Hot Import Night’s modeling coordinator and had him banned from attending any future shows held in his area thus ruining his day forever. If my phone was a mic I’d be dropping that bitch, but this has been my 6th iPhone this year. I’ll just stick with my imagination.

Follow Keo Necra:

IG: keonecra
Tumblr: keonecra.tumblr.com/
Twitter: keonecra

Stay tuned to the last part of this series

Written by Hugh Huynh